Perfect Baby

Did Your Baby Break All of Your Expectations of Having the "Perfect Baby"?

By Liliana Lao

You might be wondering why your baby is so different. Your baby seems to communicate his needs with such intensity; very persistent, full of energy, restless, and demanding. Your baby always seems to need constant holding, nursing, and comforting. Your friends' babies on the other hand, sleep through the night, they are calm, and don't mind being held by anyone. Your friends don't seem as tired as you are. They keep saying what an "easy" and "laid back" baby they have. But here you are, exhausted, drained, moody, and thinking, "what am I doing wrong?"

Your baby has a unique personality. Your baby is a high-need/strong-willed baby. High-need because your baby needs to immediately receive what he wants in order to thrive. As you already know, there are no good or bad personalities. Every baby has a need to be held and conforted, but some express their needs more strongly than others, like high-need babies. High-need babies will not give up until their needs are met; they are very persistent. Follow your intuition to offer your baby the level of care that he needs. That doesn't mean watching your baby's every move, every single second of the day. Doing this can actually affect your baby's self-management skills. High need babies really need for you to be very responsive to their needs and not indifferent to them. If you chose to ignore your baby; you will only get short-term results, which means that your baby will learn at a very early age that his voice doesn't matter and will chose to withdraw. The long-term effects will be devastating.

It is important to accept your baby's communication style. One of the most difficult challenges is for parents to overcome the fear of "being manipulated" or "losing control". Your baby is only communicating her needs the best way she knows how. Most of your friends and relatives might tell you to ignore your baby or to let her "cry it out". This is the mainstream advice. Please don't listen to them. Follow your motherly instincts, because they are there for a reason. If you choose to ignore your baby in order to "keep control", your baby will quickly learn that she is not valued, unimportant, and not heard. She will eventually give up and withdraw. And that driven/strong personality will eventually be channeled into other areas, turning into anger and frustration, producting unfavorable results.

This is going to be very tiring for you I'm sure. It's important to not feel sorry for yourself, but to actually not expect too much of yourself. What I mean is to not expect that you will get all your chores done every day. These early months will be extremely draining. You will be very tired. Once you accept your baby's temperament and "let go" of your high expectations; you will be happier. Chores could wait, but your baby can't. You will later see the payoff. You will see your baby's unique personality start to blossom.

Your baby probably wants to be fed more often. Of course feeding your baby will meet his nutritional needs, but your baby loves the skin-to-skin contact, because it is very comforting to him. It will also comfort you to know that according to studies, babies who are fed on demand, cry less than babies who are on a strict and parent-controlled schedule. Don't worry about how many times you feed your baby. Let your baby guide you, as this will also regulate the flow of milk (if you are breast-feeding). Carrying your baby on a sling, "wearing your baby" will also be very beneficial for both of you and will make breast-feeding easier. You and your baby will always be in harmony. Your baby will cry less, will be more calm, and sleep better at night.

This will take a lot of hard work, especially in the early months (even the first couple of years for some high-need children) however, you are helping your baby learn to create an inner peace and inner control of her own. High-Need babies will not establish trust in you, or start learning how to soothe themselves until they feel valued. This takes responsiveness...tons of it =) Don't get trapped in the "convenient parenting" mentality or take to heart the critical comments from your friends and family, telling you that you are "spoiling" your baby, or that you "are not in control". Remember to trust your motherly intuition. Little by little, you'll see that your baby will learn ways to soothe himself.

Liliana enjoys the challenges of parenting and enjoys writing articles on this subject. She has read many books on attachment parenting and about eating foods directly from the source. She deeply cares about the simple joys family and home life can bring. You can check out her website relating to the Conair GS4 Compact Fabric Steamer, for an easy and safe alternative to ironing your delicate fabrics.